Monday,
April 4
Well, that’s comforting: Workers dumping more than 11,000 tons of radioactive water into the ocean in Japan; authorities say it poses no danger … Thought they decided that already: Libyan government spokesman says Muammar Qaddafi is open to holding elections, but only the Libyan people can decide his future, not foreign powers … An offer he can’t refuse? Somebody sends US Rep. Peter King (R-NY) a bloody severed pig’s foot. King recently held hearings on “The Extent of Radicalization in the American Muslim Community” … What’s that proverb about military “justice”? Reversing course, White House says Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, one of alleged masterminds of 9/11, will be tried by military tribunal instead of civilian court … How sweet it is: Former carnival singer Michel “Sweet Mickey” Martelly elected president of Haiti. And how cool is it to have a president named Sweet Mickey?

Monday, March 28

Tough nutcase to crack: Advance of Libyan rebels halted outside Muammar Qaddafi’s hometown of Sirte. “The regime still vastly overmatches opposition forces militarily,” says top American commander Gen. Carter F. Ham … It just keeps getting hairier: Heavily contaminated water found leaking from Japan’s Fukushima nuke plant; plutonium traces found in soil, radiation detected in rainwater on East Coast of US … Getting high in the Middle East: French daredevil Alain Robert climbs world’s tallest skyscraper, the Burj Khalifa in the United Arab Emirates, height 2,717 feet (that’s more than two Empire State Buildings) … Been there, done that: As it seems to do every spring, the Oregon Department of Transportation extends studded tire removal deadline. Why not just make it April 15 every year? … Heartbreak for gadget junkies: No new iPhone, iPad or other Mac toys will be unveiled at this year’s Apple software conference.

Monday, March 21

Out of the woods? Head of US Nuclear Regulatory Commission says Japanese are “on the verge of stabilizing” wayward reactor as power is restored to two of six units … Fire from the left: Liberal US Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH) says President Obama’s decision to intervene in Libya without congressional okay “would appear on its face to be an impeachable offense” … Meanwhile Libyan rebels, helped by US and allied air strikes, advance against Muammar Qaddafi’s forces, and Libya releases four New York Times journalists captured six days ago … A break for the jobless: Gov. John Kitzhaber signs bill extending unemployment benefits up to 26 weeks … Speaking of the jobless, sources report CBS thinking about giving Charlie Sheen his old $2 million-per-episode job on “Two and a Half Men” back.

Staring into the abyss: Japan fears nuclear disaster as explosion damages reactor and radiation levels rise … Really lousy timing: Aflac fires Gilbert Gottfried as voice of the Aflac duck after he tweets lame jokes like: “Japan is really advanced. They don’t go to the beach. The beach comes to them” … Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour fires aide for joking that Otis Redding’s “Dock of the Bay” isn’t popular in Japan right now … Royals gotta stick together: Saudi Arabia sends troops into neighboring Bahrain as royal family asks for help to quell uprising … Nothing like an open mind: National Rifle Association boss Wayne LaPierre refuses to meet with President Obama. “Why should I or the NRA go sit down with a group of people that have spent a lifetime trying to destroy the Second Amendment in the United States?” he says … Surprisingly, this did not happen in Arizona: During discussion about shooting feral swine from helicopters, Kansas State Rep. Virgil Peck suggests using same tactic on illegal immigrants. He later says it was a joke. Maybe he should be a writer for Gilbert Gottfried.

Peace feelers? “The Wisconsin 14,” Democratic senators who fled state to prevent vote on union-busting bill, say they’re willing to talk with Gov. Scott Walker – but won’t come home just yet … You gotta problem wit dat? New Jersey’s in-your-face Gov. Chris Christie voted most popular politician in America in Quinnipiac Poll, edging President Obama by half a point … Geographical confusion: Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) says iPods and iPhones “are built in the United States of America.” Sorry, John, they’re built in China, like everything else … The better part of valor: Marisol Valles, 21-year-old police chief of crime-ravaged Mexican town of Praxedis G. Guerrero, flees to US after getting death threats, is fired … Wages of sin: Sen. John Ensign (R-NV), caught in affair with campaign aide, announces he won’t seek re-election. “There are consequences to sin,” he tells reporters.