Texas has Textbooks?

The Alamo didn’t involve Mexicans, Ross Perot and Ralph Nader never existed, and the Civil Rights Movement created “unrealistic expectations of equal outcomes” among minorities, according to new textbooks from the Texas State Board of Education. In addition to exporting lousy presidents, Texas is also a major buyer of textbooks so most schools may be using these “edited” materials.

“I think the Left has a real problem seeing their own bias,” said Dr. (really a dentist) Don McLeroy, one of the conservative members dominating the board and demanding a full revision of history. Ronald Reagan not only overthrew the Soviet Union single-handedly, but also cured cancer while wrestling Bigfoot, and “free enterprise” (capitalism is suddenly a bad word among conservatives) makes everyone rich. Five members of the Board are minorities, all of whom will be deported once these books come out, with Mavis Knight of Dallas leading the lackluster opposition saying, “I cannot go back to my community and say I participated in perpetrating this fraud on the students.”

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from D.C., marrying his new pal Gary for a goof, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

Kettle said “Say What?” to the Pot

“The reconciliation rules have never been used…” repeated Orin Hatch (R-Utah) over and over on Meet the Press, proving the GOP is more redundant than Lil Wayne (who is now serving a one-year sabbatical at Rikers Island on gun charges) “The reconciliation rules have never…” Really? Do any parents remember the S-CHIP bill that brought health care to uncovered children? That’s just one evil example of legislation passed by Obama and Dems in that underhanded manner, via reconciliation… How about Bush’s tax cuts for the wealthy, adding $1.7 trillion to our debt? Yep, holier than thou Republicans have used reconciliation for only good, right? Reconciliation is a ruse so Republicans can object to the process rather than a health care bill that has most of their wants included—too bad Dems (who called reconciliation “the nuclear option” under Bush) are wimps trying to help the sick and needy, while the GOP (which calls Obama a racist Mexican woman) cares only about fiscal responsibility and freedom, err, corporate donors and regaining power.

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from a failed Socialist state headed by an illegal alien (or maybe listening to too much AM radio) on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

The Crazies

There’s something in the water. Or it’s an election year… Senator Jim Bunning (R-KY – the state, not the sexy lubricant) is going out in style, retiring after two terms, and using an arcane Senate procedure to block a funding bill for extended jobless and health care benefits, infrastructure projects and other liberal Socialist programs. Immediately laying off 2,000 workers, cutting COBRA health coverage, and ensuring that 400,000 unemployed Americans starve, Bunning is doing so out of concern that the Dem majority hasn’t shown a way to offset the $10 billion cost, offering, “I hope the American people understand my serious objections.” Of course, by the time you read this, Bunning’s feat will be forgotten (much like when he pitched a perfect game in 1964 for the Phillies); much like Senator Richard Shelby’s (R-AL) blanket blocking of Obama’s 70-plus presidential appointments, all because he wants more earmarks for Alabama. One Republican wants to control spending and another wants more money, you gotta love the Grand Ole Party. What’s next?

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from the land created by Mr. Cheney, where myth and facts entwine–on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

Olympics, Ughh

Haven’t our standards for Olympic “sport” sunken rather low (or gone too extreme for other countries to compete) and why do metrosexuals seem to be everywhere? Apolo Ohno is now “the most decorated” U.S. Winter Olympian (Eric Heiden, puhleeze…) Shaun White is totally kickass and his “double McTwist”1260 was astonishing—but is it sport? Fellow snowboarder Scott Lago left the Olympics voluntarily with a bronze after sexy pics of him and a fan hit the porn-net; skier Bode Miller finally got gold and has the most alpine Olympic medals of any American skier in Vancouver­—after taking the year off and considering quitting. Our hockey teams are on top, as are we; time for “amateurs” again, eh?

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from the land of monsters and mythology, chillin’ with Goliath and Paul Bunyan – “On Giants: or, Why We Want To Be small” – on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

“The Majority of Americans”

Playing politics with terrorism is an art form among Republicans, with Rudy Giuliani recently saying there were, “No domestic attacks under Bush,” but already one under Obama. Huh? Wasn’t Rudy in NYC on that day – Surely we saw him in every 9-11 photo-op playing the mayor. Toying with reality is the new playground, “The majority of Americans…” is the catchphrase spewing from GOP lips like “I’m mad about blah blah, I have a boo-boo and want my ba-ba…,” at a Tea Party convention. Despite being swept from office, the GOP’s denial is resolute, “There was no debate… No bipartisanship…” is their excuse/accusation of why they do nothing, and won’t be held responsible for the two wars Obama inherited and is now trying to win (see below), as well as this minor mess dubbed our Great Recession. Of course Dems are wimps and falling into the same old traps: Still unsure of where to hold the trial of 9-11 terrorist mastermind Khalid Shaikh Mohammed (FYI: Dick Cheney has yet to be charged,) and overly eager to allay fears, VP Joe Biden is “guaranteeing” a conviction, making a mockery of himself (as usual) and our legal system at the same time. Meanwhile, a new Washington Post-ABC poll found that two-thirds of all Americans are “unhappy” or “angry” at how the federal government is working (the only clear “majority” these days – one which neither party wants to claim) with those polled saying that “53 cents of every dollar” sent to Washington is “wasted.”